singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
