I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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