Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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