My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
