I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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