Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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