So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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