Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
