Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
