it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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