guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
