I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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