Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
