Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
