he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
