What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
