I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
