Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
