Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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