Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
