You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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