Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm really busy with my period
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