I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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