remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
