I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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