Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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