i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
