also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
