apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
