if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
