Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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