she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
