Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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