Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
