JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
