So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
