you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
