i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
