who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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