Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
