Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
