I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
