was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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