Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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