I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
