You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
