Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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