When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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