You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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