You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
