you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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